Welcome to The Client Seat, a new series on the Financial Coach Academy podcast where you’ll hear what coaching actually sounds like in real time.
Today’s guest is Mary Ann Stenquist. Mary Ann is a spending coach who helps ambitious women break free from the shop-regret-shame cycle and align their spending with their values instead of impulses. She’s built a business helping others with their money. And like all of us, she has her own financial challenges she’s working through.
For the past four years, Mary Ann has been caught in a cycle with her emergency fund: funding it, draining it when something happens, rebuilding it, draining it again. Health expenses, home repairs, car issues… each time she taps into it, guilt follows. The balance drops, and with it, her sense of security.
The guilt isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a lack of clear account boundaries and purpose.
In this session, we talk about the difference between emergencies and Whammies, how to build SpendFuture™ accounts, and what it means to move from a false sense of security to a real one.
- Pulse fatigue is when your client’s sense of security is tied to a number in their savings account. When the balance goes up, they feel relieved. When it drops, panic sets in. That’s not peace of mind; that’s exhausting.
- Emergencies and Whammies are different things. True emergencies are unpredictable. Whammies are irregular expenses your clients know will happen: home repairs, health costs, car maintenance. They shouldn’t be funded the same way.
- SpendFuture™ accounts are savings meant to be spent. These aren’t funds to protect. They’re funds to prepare so that when life happens, your client is ready without guilt or scrambling.
- The words matter. “My Health” or “My Home” feels different than “Emergency Fund #3.” The language your clients use shapes how they feel when they use the money.
- Progress over perfection matters here. If your client pulls from a SpendFuture™ account before it’s fully funded, help them see they didn’t drain their emergency fund. They were more prepared than they would have been without the system.
- Keep the rhythm going. After tapping into savings, clients want to stop everything and rebuild their emergency fund. That’s what creates the cycle. Keep funding the SpendFuture™ accounts or they’ll end up back where they started.
- Emergency funds need clear rules, not vague intentions. Your clients should sit down and define exactly what qualifies. Write it down. This is clarity. Clarity protects them from guilt when they actually need to use it.
Read Our Q&A Here:
Mary Ann: I’ve been married for several years, and we’ve had a fully funded emergency fund. But over the past four years, we’ve repeatedly drained and refunded it. I’ve had a lot of health issues, and every time we rebuild it, something else happens: the AC, the furnace, the car. I want an emergency fund for the emergency fund, but we can never seem to get there. My question is: how do I make changes day to day and month to month instead of waiting for big lump sums that never come?
Mary Ann: I should clarify, we haven’t been living off it in the sense of covering everyday expenses. It’s gotten us through emergencies without going into debt. But getting it back to fully funded has been the struggle.
Kelsa: Got it. And right now, does your husband’s income cover your everyday expenses? Are you only tapping into the emergency fund when true emergencies happen?
Mary Ann: Yes, exactly.
Mary Ann: All our income goes into checking, and then we disperse it into savings. I don’t love the setup because I like having separate accounts for different purposes. We do have a rental fund in a separate account, but I’d like more separation between the emergency fund and day-to-day money.
Kelsa: You mentioned in your prep work that you like seeing your savings grow. Is that your checking or your savings account you’re referring to?
Mary Ann: More the savings. Checking is day-to-day, but savings I like to see growing. I want to actively contribute to it rather than just saving whatever’s left over.
Kelsa: So you actively disperse into savings. Is that your emergency fund or other types of accounts like investments?
Mary Ann: Retirement is already taken out pre-tax. After that, we put money into the emergency fund and some into general savings.
Mary Ann: We transitioned from having all our money in one place, which made it hard to distinguish what was emergency fund and what was savings. It felt like we were constantly draining our funds. That caused a scarcity reaction in me, a lot of stress. Seeing that number get low was really scary. It got me to work harder, but I was frantic about it. That wasn’t a good place to be.
Kelsa: What are some of the things you’ve needed to use your savings for?
Mary Ann: The biggest has been health challenges. We were in an HSA, then switched to an FSA. The transition was different because you’re paying bills over time instead of lump sums. In previous years, we had big chunks taken out, and that was really hard. We’ve learned that if you’re not healthy, an HSA probably isn’t the right option. We needed something that accommodated co-pays instead of paying the total amount.
Mary Ann: Absolutely. I like knowing where the money is going, but I’ve realized I don’t like being in my bank account every day. That’s overwhelming. I’d rather check in regularly with a budgeting app where I’m making day-to-day decisions, so when I check my bank account, it’s not alarming. I know why it’s a little down or a little up.
Kelsa: What does your husband think of all this?
Mary Ann: We’re very aligned on spending and what we want to do with money. But he doesn’t value financial security as much as I do. For him, money is there to be used and provide the life we want. That’s helpful when I’m in a scarcity mindset because it brings me back to reality… we’re going to be okay. But I still want that emergency fund for the emergency fund. I want peace of mind without panicking every day.
Mary Ann: Having a plan for when the paycheck comes in biweekly. Most of our expenses come out the first of the month, and my previous budgeting app made it feel like we were spending our whole paycheck. It promoted scarcity. I want an automated system or a plan of action that works with our biweekly income.
Kelsa: It sounds like your emergency fund balance has become a reflection of your self-control. When you dip into it, you start questioning whether you’re doing money right. It should be a tool of peace of mind, not a source of doubt. Let me ask you to imagine something. Picture a year or two from now where your emergency fund is stable, maybe even growing because it’s earning interest. You have money set aside for the things that usually cause you to dip into it. You’re not experiencing pulse fatigue. You’re not on an emotional roller coaster. What would that feel like?
Mary Ann: I’m feeling it just talking about it. It goes from tightness in my chest to calm and relaxed. The relief of knowing you can plan for the unexpected. In my mind, I haven’t viewed my emergency fund as peace of mind. It’s been the lack of a fully funded emergency fund that’s hard. We’ve had so many medical expenses, and it killed me that all that money we worked so hard to save was just gone. The flip side is, well, you had that money for emergencies. But it’s been depleted so many times. This year it was the car. It’s supposed to be there for peace of mind, but I keep seeing it disappear.
Kelsa: Having that stress eliminated… what would that feel like?
Mary Ann: Amazing. Even just hearing you describe the start-stop cycle… in task management, they talk about the energy of switching from task to task. Imagine the energy of money switching from pursuing this goal, then stopping, then starting again. It’s really unmotivating and discouraging. I don’t view my money as a tool. I view it as this limited resource, which isn’t true.
The stress, the worry, the guilt, the doubt. Even if you’re using it appropriately, for health, for your AC in Phoenix, for a car that gets your husband to work, there’s guilt. You question whether you did it right. Why weren’t we ready? I don’t think we talk about how heavy it feels to dip into savings. There’s the 10% that says, “Thank God I had it,” but there’s also this worry that comes from tapping into it and needing to pause other goals to rebuild it.
The other thing I want to acknowledge is that sometimes we have a system that works really well for a long time, and then life changes. Your HSA worked beautifully until your health needs changed. Sometimes we try to force our life to fit the system that always worked instead of shifting the system to support our new reality. Does that make sense?
Mary Ann: Absolutely.
True emergencies are unpredictable, like a loss of income fund. But some expenses you mentioned, health costs that seem like a new norm, home repairs like the AC and furnace, car expenses, those are Whammies. They’re not a matter of if, they’re a matter of when. I want to shift how you prepare for them because the guilt from tapping into your emergency savings comes partly from not having a clear definition of what that fund is for. When the purpose is vague, you feel guilty using it. You wonder, was this what it was for? And because it’s not clearly defined, it becomes a catch-all. It’s for this, and this, and this other thing. That’s why I want you to have some savings accounts that are for the purpose of being spent.
Mary Ann: That makes so much sense.
Kelsa: We call these SpendFuture™ accounts. They’re for expenses that don’t happen every month, but when they happen, they happen big. Like an annual bill, you’d put $200 aside every month so when the $2,400 bill comes, you’re ready. You’re taking a roller coaster expense and making it mimic a fixed, recurring bill. Have you done this for any expenses?
Mary Ann: I actually have. I started using YNAB and tried to set up sinking funds for specific things—like a fully funded car fund instead of lumping it in with emergency savings. I liked seeing those amounts going toward goals. But the trouble was it wasn’t a true reflection of where the money was in my actual accounts. It was all coming out of the same chunk. The numbers weren’t matching, and it ended up being a big mess.
Kelsa: It needs to be simple and clear enough to give you peace of mind and easy enough to operate regularly. I personally just have different savings accounts, I use Ally Bank. I have one called Car Insurance, one called Health, one called Kids Expenses. Each is a real savings account titled for its purpose. I fund them every month. It’s easy when it’s a bill that happens once a year, but it’s trickier with flexible expenses like health. You might know some costs, like quarterly tests with copays, and you just add a bit more for the unknowns. Same with car and home repair. I have a Home Repair fund and a Home Renovation fund. Some clients have a lot of accounts. Some just have Needs and Wants. The key is thinking about savings not as “do I have it or not,” but understanding there are different levels and purposes. Your emergency fund should have clear exceptions. I want you to have savings accounts meant to be spent. When your health fund goes to zero next month, it was there for that purpose. If your car breaks down the next day, you’re okay because that’s your car fund… a completely different fund. Even if this was the only change you made, it would feel very different when you use that money than tapping into your emergency savings. Do you see the difference?
Mary Ann: Absolutely. The guilt I’ve been feeling is because it’s all been lumped into one with no subcategory, no spending fund. I had no other choice, yet I’m guilting myself over spending from the emergency fund when it’s just a lack of a system. That’s huge.
Pick a monthly number to start with. I want you to fund them monthly like a bill. Don’t worry about having the perfect number. Just start. Create the habit. Get it on your monthly budget. You can always adjust. If you don’t need a car for 10 years, still have a New Car fund, maybe $50 instead of $500. The goal is to create the system, then modify as you go. It’s easier to adjust later than to add a new account and dollar amount from scratch. Does that make sense?
Mary Ann: Yes.
Kelsa: Health will probably be your biggest monthly contribution. Keep paying monthly recurring expenses like prescriptions or copays as you normally would. This savings account is for non-recurring expenses, quarterly or random unexpected costs. Put money aside consistently every month. Once you tap into these accounts, it’s a milestone moment. You’ll learn how the system feels when you actually need it. Ideally, you go months funding without needing them. But life doesn’t always work that way. Let’s say you have a $1,000 expense and $800 in the account. You might cash flow the $200 difference or take it from your emergency fund. What I don’t want you to think is that the system doesn’t work because you didn’t have enough. The system does work; you just need more time, or you need to adjust the amount. Maybe $200 a month isn’t enough. Maybe it is, and this expense won’t happen again for a while. The point is you didn’t have to take as much from your emergency fund. Use these moments to refine, not eliminate. Does that make sense?
Mary Ann: Yes. And it’s so comforting because it’s more motivating to say we’re $200 short—I’m not going to stop anything, but I’ll find $200 by cutting from groceries or things I can control. That doesn’t reinforce the scarcity mindset.
Kelsa: Exactly. You only need $200 because you were already prepared for $800. That’s huge progress. It’s easier to get scrappy for $200 than $1,000. What that does for your motivation and productivity can transform how you feel about your money. Based on this strategy, what are you hearing that you like? What might be confusing?
Mary Ann: Honestly, it’s a relief. I’ve been trying to get to that goal of different accounts, but YNAB wasn’t working. I like the simple act of renaming accounts to My Home, My Health—it’s for that purpose. It’s pre-planned. And I like that it’s automatic. My question is about Ally Bank. Do you have amounts taken automatically, or are you hands-on? I’m detail-oriented but want a set-it-and-forget-it baseline.
Kelsa: Either way is fine. It depends on your stage of life. For you, I’d recommend automated. You could do it when most bills clear, early in the month, or split the difference. Bills clear early, savings transfers clear mid-month on the 20th or 25th. Try it for three months and see. You can set up automated transfers or do it manually. You can have multiple savings accounts and a checking account with Ally. I use a credit card for expenses, never carry a balance, and just pay it from the relevant savings account immediately. You could also transfer to the Ally checking account (it’s immediate) and use a debit card. Or transfer back to your main checking, which takes a couple days. It depends on how much you keep checking in and how quickly you need to pay something. Ally is just what we’ve been using for over 10 years. There are other options—credit unions sometimes allow multiple savings accounts, but they may require minimum balances like $25 per account. Look for a bank with no minimum balance requirement so you can take an account to zero without fees or closures.
Mary Ann: Got it.
I don’t like the word “rules,” but you need clarity. Sit down with your husband and define what your emergency fund is for. You might need to reflect first since financial security is more important to you. Write this down. Have parameters: we can use it for health, for emergency home repairs like X, for income replacement but only if we do Y first. Imagine how you’ve felt depleting your emergency fund for things that aren’t its purpose. Define it more. Give yourself convictions so that if you tap into it, you know you didn’t mess up. You said this is one of the reasons. You were clear. You’ve also said here’s what I need to do if I use this. It’s about how you make the decision, not necessarily that the decision had to be made. Do you see?
Mary Ann: Yes. I like the focus on contingencies. It doesn’t get touched unless it meets preset parameters. The situation doesn’t depend on those, but the contingencies do. Have we cut back on unnecessary spending? Have we trimmed everything to justify pulling from it? Then we know we’ve done our part and not just pulled frivolously when we could have done something smarter.
Kelsa: Exactly. I’m solving this on two fronts. There’s the system for moving money and having buckets so you’re not touching the account for SpendFuture™ expenses. And I want to reframe your thought process for when you do tap into it, because that could still happen. We’re preventing pulse fatigue and the balance effect, where you feel good at one balance and bad at another, even when you have to use it. Do you see the difference?
Mary Ann: Absolutely. A lot of the balance effect has been because I don’t have them separated. I haven’t found a system that works for my lifestyle. I’ve been fighting what I want, thinking there’s no way to do it. But I’ve tried; it just hasn’t come to completion. That’s been why I feel the way I do. I don’t feel in control, and there isn’t a system. I’ve been trying to find one. It’s lumped into the whole experience of “I can’t control my money,” which isn’t true. I just haven’t found a system that works well for me.
Kelsa: You’ve told yourself “I can’t control my money,” but there are tons of examples where you have. The fact that you have an emergency fund shows you can. Living off one income to pursue your passions and be home with your kids shows you can. You’ve had life changes, health expenses, so the system needed to be modified. Try not to interpret yourself as having no control. Spend time reflecting and giving yourself credit for all the ways you have control. We tend to see money as a monolith, either really good or bad. You’re really good in a lot of ways. There’s a couple areas causing friction. We can solve this one area, and you can still be really good with money overall. Think about your money in specific ways, not as a whole. How are you feeling about your course of action going forward?
Mary Ann: So good. I identified with feeling like it was all out of my control or like I’m all bad with money. But it’s just this one aspect bleeding over, giving a false sense of security because it hasn’t been a systematized approach. I’m feeling really hopeful about setting this plan in motion because it aligns with the lifestyle I want and the control level I want. I recognize it can be adapted. It’s not set in stone. It’s an ongoing tweaking process.
Kelsa: Here’s your motto: from a false sense of security to a true sense of security. I believe this system, these exercises, these reframes will give you the real sense of security you’re looking for. Take a pulse once in a while: on a scale of one to five or one to ten, how secure am I truly feeling? Keep checking in. Maybe you’re at a five, then six, then seven. That’s your progress number, achieving real financial security. Thank you so much for being the first person in the Client Seat. I really appreciate you demonstrating financial coaching for all our listeners.
Mary Ann: Thank you.
About Mary Ann Stenquist
Mary Ann Stenquist teaches people how to break the shop-regret-shame cycle. She’s a spending coach who helps ambitious women align their spending with their values instead of their impulses.
