Every financial coach needs to hear this, especially the ones who really care about their clients. It’s about the illusion of control, the idea that if we just explain something the right way, or push a little harder or steer our clients towards what we know is the right decision, that we can somehow control the outcome.
I get it. I’ve done it. I’ve tried to talk clients out of certain decisions. I’ve convinced myself that it was my job to protect them, but if I’m being honest, like really honest, what I was doing wasn’t about them, it was about me.
The Real Reasons We Try to Control
Looking back, I can see that my need to control came from two places. One was insecurity. I was scared that if they made the wrong choice, it would reflect badly on me, that maybe I wasn’t a good enough coach. And the other was arrogance. I believed I knew what was best for my clients. I acted like I could predict the future and I expected them to just trust my version of it.
Here’s the problem: we can’t prevent consequences. No matter how good our advice is, no matter how detailed our spreadsheets are, things will still go sideways. Sometimes unexpected events happen. Clients don’t make perfect decisions. No financial plan is perfect.
More importantly, trying to shelter our clients from consequences actually slows down their growth.
What Real Progress Actually Looks Like
To me, progress is when a client learns how to make intentional, informed decisions. Plan ahead, think critically about possible outcomes, and then, no matter what happens, good or bad, reflect honestly, stay clear headed and pivot when needed.
That’s the skill we’re building. Not perfection, not obedience, not following some step by step blueprint. The only way our clients build these skills is by experiencing real world consequences.
So when we try to control their choices, what we’re actually doing is robbing them of the very thing they came to us for. We’re disempowering them. We’re making their success about our ego instead of their learning.
The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
Here’s the mindset shift I had to make: My job isn’t to be right. My job isn’t to protect them from ever feeling regret. My job is to help them be more resourceful, more prepared and more confident in their ability to respond when life throws them a curve ball, because it will.
That starts with trusting them, even when I don’t agree, even when I’m nervous about how it’ll turn out. That mindset shift has changed everything for me. It’s also made me a much better coach.
How to Handle Risky Client Decisions
So what do you do when a client insists on a risky strategy? You don’t just smile and nod, but you don’t want to bulldoze them either. Here’s how I approach these situations:
Step 1: Create Extreme Clarity
Your client might not fully grasp what this decision means financially, emotionally or logistically. Our job is to make the invisible visible. You can say something like, “I hear that you’re confident in this strategy, and my job isn’t to tell you what to do, but to make sure you’re fully informed. Let’s map out exactly what this could look like before you move forward.”
Then walk through these three layers:
- Best case scenario: If everything works out exactly as they hope, what’s the upside? Most clients naturally think about this scenario first.
- Worst case scenario: If this totally flops, what’s the damage?
- Most likely scenario: Based on the data and experience, what’s the most likely outcome?
We’re not fear mongering. We’re illuminating.
Step 2: Map Out the Impact
Ask financial questions: How much money does this require up front? What’s the return if it works? What happens if we lose money on this decision? Does this derail other priorities, and if so, how?
Ask emotional questions: How will you feel if it doesn’t work? Can you handle the stress of uncertainty? If it does work, how does that change your life?
Ask logistical questions: What’s required to make this happen? Is this going to take time, energy or resources that you haven’t yet considered? Will it affect your family or business, and if so, in what ways?
This is where you pause and help them see it. Sometimes, just laying it all out is enough for the client to reconsider or to realize they’re more committed than ever. The goal is that the client makes a clear and confident decision. The goal is not that they make the same decision you would. The goal is not that they make the decision you think is best.
Step 3: Contingency Planning
Let’s say they still want to move forward. Let’s make it safer. Ask: What’s the exit strategy? If this doesn’t go as planned, what will you do? How much loss are you willing to tolerate before making a different decision, before deciding to pivot? Is there a smaller way to test this strategy first?
In other words, encourage staggered risk, not an all or nothing leap.
What Ethical Coaching Looks Like
This is what ethical coaching looks like. You’re not telling them what to do. You’re not blindly cheering them on, either. You’re walking beside them with your eyes open and theirs.
What Not to Do
Don’t dismiss the idea outright: “That’s way too risky. You shouldn’t do that.”
Don’t make it about your ego: “You need to do it this way because I’ve seen what happens otherwise.”
Don’t avoid the tough conversation. Ignoring the risks doesn’t make them go away.
The Bottom Line
Coaching is about empowerment, not control. Our role is to make sure clients see the full picture, to help them weigh the trade offs, to make the invisible visible, and to trust that they are capable of choosing what’s best for them, not what’s comfortable for us.
That’s the kind of progress that lasts. That’s how we help people become resilient, and that’s how we build a practice that we’re actually proud of.
